Sometimes even the most loving parents frustrated. Many mothers and fathers raise their voices because kids are “programmed” to cry, so did their parents. Some allow themselves to shout at the child only in cases where they are upset or angry. Think about that crying hurt self-esteem and self-esteem of the child, as well as instantly destroys the spiritual relationship between you.
When parents yell, children are frightened. They perceive as an attack and cry, so either into the battle (snapping and shouting at us), or run away, physically or emotionally trying to get away from screaming.
Children learn communication, imitating our style of communication. If we deliberately yelling at the child to get him to do what we need is called bullying. And children learn to yell at others to force them to do what is required. If adults shout at the child unintentionally, which means that they have lost control of himself. And the kid realizes that shouting at others, it is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with his bad mood.
Tell your child that you will try to cope with them to stop yelling at him and ask for help in this endeavor. Give him permission to interrupt you when you start to cry. Suggest a sort of pantomime, clamping hands over his ears. In addition, the cry can be interrupted with the words: “You scream at me, and I hate it,” or “Please talk to me quietly, because you love me.” Resolve this reminder by resorting to “rewind, adjustment and re-launch.”
Rewind. “Thanks for the reminder, I forgot about it, because she was upset.”
Adjustment. “I’m sorry, you do not deserve to yell at you. What did you do wrong, but to yell at you, too, should not be.”
Restart. “Let’s start all over again. I’m upset because you do not agree with me.”
Our resolution to remind children that should not shout:
Gives them the strength to defend himself from screaming, without entering into the fight (not fleeing);
Protects their self-esteem, because it gives them to understand that they do not deserve such treatment;
Strengthens the relationship, as we show respect to their needs and feelings.
Source: “How to create a warm relationship with the children.”
Tips from Parents
1. “If possible, give yourself at least an hour a day to indulge in this time, reading, favorite hobby. So, pay attention to your beloved, it calms and returns a joy.”
2. “A friend of mine, instead of shouting or swearing said in a singsong voice:” Well, something about it? “Without raising your voice. And uttered, and no noise:-)”
3. “If you can not control myself to not to call the child, or at least leave with them all sorts of “fool” and “Dummy”. Think of his curse. You can also, instead to raise his voice for the child made a face pantomime. It is possible, angry, growl, and in general, the best remedy for anger is humor!”
4. “It’s the mother’s health. Happy mother is a good mom. Sometimes it is necessary to speak in a stern voice. But the main thing that the child knew that his mother loves him. Every night before going to bed to tell him this, stroking, hugging, kissing. Then the strict a situation where such twists knobs on the stove burner or something similar, are perceived only as individual situations where strict mom, not a trend behavior. It’s in my way. ”
5. “I myself peeped from another mother, she got angry at her daughter, instead of yell at her with an exaggerated view of the fierce chased her with the words” That will catch you! “My daughter ran, in a complex situation imperceptibly into a game.”
6. “Try, instead of yelling at the child, growl or howl… This allows you to not tell a nasty things to the baby, such as you then when cooled down, you will be sorry.”
7. “Children of all ages, even infants, need to talk about their mood and condition. Be sure to say that you have a bad mood or you’re tired. They all understand and that can then follow and shout something like that, to be held much easier for the child.”
8. “I think you can scream, but his voice should not be hatred and aggression, that’s what scares and hurts deeply…”
9. “If you scold a child, it is important to talk about his bad behavior, actions, and not go to the person, not to humiliate… We must always remember and emphasize it in a conversation with the child, that he is good, but behaved badly, and the ugly e.t.c. Do not hang tags!”
10. “Most adults know how to control myself when they need to. For example, if you hold a conversation with the head out of fear of losing their jobs… With children we have, unfortunately, not the ceremony. Maybe we will learn to constructively resolve conflicts with children because of the fear of losing their respect and love for us, for fear of evil forever be our word to destroy trust between us…”